My Angry Eyes

We watch a lot of Toy Story around here, as the headline suggests. And if you don’t remember the Angry Eyes scene, well, you should totally check out Toy Story 3D in theaters tomorrow! What perfect, masterful movies. This has nothing to do with my post.

So this week we had a playdate. The plan was to meet our friends at the Troy Community Center for swimming in the morning. From the get-go we were aware this was a dicey plan, since Half Pint Swim is only from 10-10:45AM. And if you have, or ever have had a toddler and a baby and tried to drive 30-miles during rush hour to make a program that is 45 minutes long – well, I’m sure you see where this is going.

Like parents of toddlers really need extra stress in their lives. Why!? would you schedule open swim for toddlers with such a short and rigid time-frame? Do you not realize that sometimes it takes 45 minutes just to pin them to the changing table and get them into their swim diaper? And then they go ahead and poop in said swim diaper, so you have to pin them down and start all over? IT CAN AND DOES HAPPEN. FEEL SORRY FOR US!

Unfortunately, we wasted about five minutes in line to pay, which also happened to be the wrong line. So once when we got into the right line, we found out we had to fill out lengthy forms and pay $10/each, despite the fact that we had called in advance and were told $7. $10 freaking dollars for a 45-minute toddler swim, that at this point is reduced to 35 minutes and only getting shorter as we argue with you over your exorbitant fees. And mind you, we are not even in the changing room yet.

And I do not swear on this blog, but just watch out if I did because holy crap the people working the desk were not the least bit concerned about being helpful in speeding things along. For example, while my friend was filling out her lengthy form, I asked if I might have one to fill out at the same time and was told by an employee standing right next to the forms that I would have to wait until the other employee could give me one. You know, once my friend had completely filled out hers. Blah, blah, blah, they took our money and finally, finally, we were released to the changing area. Luckily, still about 25 minutes to swim!

I cannot speak for my friend’s changing experience, but ours took longer than usual since Hadley was also going into the pool and needed a swimsuit. And also, as soon as I pulled Bastien’s swim diaper on he declared “poo poo!” and just to ensure I would not go to bed guiltless that night, I said to him thus: “Don’t you DARE go poo poo in that diaper. Don’t even THINK about going poo poo in that diaper.” But still, I managed to get us all suited up in a reasonable time and put Bastien in his/my beloved Puddljumper life jacket. Now people, the only way I am able to safely manage my two babies in the pool is with Bastien in his Puddlejumper (see the store for my raving review), because as well all know, he is fearless, and that includes not being the least bit concerned about drowning. Not the least bit.

So the instant, THE VERY INSTANT we walked out of the changing area and into the pool area we were reprimanded by the lifeguard that “WE DO NOT ALLOW THOSE,” referring of course to the Coast Guard approved, boating class Puddlejumper life jacket. Is it Ok that I was torn between wanting to cry and strangle her at that very moment?

So for the next 15 minutes, give or take, I spent my time saving my child’s life by yanking him around by the wrist as I clutched heavy Hadley to my other side. While the lifeguard looked on. After watching her watching us, I finally asked if she might not understand how the Puddlejumper would be helpful in my situation and I swear to you it was like she was just WAITING for this very second to launch into her personal tirade about the EVILS OF LIFE JACKETS. Essentially, I spent $1/minute for a little Troy Community Center educational program called “YOU ARE A HORRIBLE, NEGLECTFUL MOTHER AND I AM FAR SUPERIOR TO YOU WHEN IT COMES TO MANAGING MY OWN TWO CHILDREN”.

When Half Pint Swim was over, Hadley screamed and sobbed as loudly as possible in the changing room while Bastien repeatedly escaped. Not a huge problem, except it was a family changing room so every time he opened the door I was in danger of exposing myself to every man, woman and child that resides in Troy. I also managed to lose both of Hadley’s socks in my mad rush, so for the rest of the day I had that extra reminder about what a HORRIBLE, NEGLECTFUL MOTHER I was, dragging my four-month-old into the frigid autumn outdoors, barefoot like that.

On the way out, the “helpers” at the desk asked if it was worth it. And you know, as a general rule I am always positive. Especially when talking to strangers. But at that moment, apparently I had lost all personal restraint. And nearly with a tear in my eye I blathered on and on (and on!) about my darling, small-town, sun-is-always-shining Milford and it’s IN YOUR FACE better-than-yours pool that costs $3 and is open ALL THE TIME and NEVER insinuates that I am a horrible, neglectful mother. Then I clicked my heels three times and went right back to our little country home, right where we belong.