Perhaps you remember that I am now engaged in the “7AM Summer Slam Challenge”? Well let me just update you to say the trails are kicking my butt. Or in this case, my face.

As usual, I heaved myself out of bed at 7:00 this morning, and tried desperately to make Mazzy KEEP HER STUFF TOGETHER because loud dogs mean waking babies and that is never conducive to a good run. No matter what, it’s a losing battle because I swear she waits on the very edge of her bed the entire night for the sound of my first toe to touch ground in the morning and then she completely loses any shred of self-control and it’s pretty much all over from there. Yes, I tip-toe to the bathroom. And yes, she often checks with me at 3:30AM when I’m nursing Hadley, just to make sure I don’t want to drop what I’m doing and head out for a quick run. Anyway, on the mornings I decide to shut her out of the bathroom, she whines pathetically and scratches incessantly at the door. And on the mornings I decide to let her in, she corners me on the toilet with her heavy tail thwacking everything in sight. I am still on the fence about which is worse. This is a weighty decision at 7:00 AM.

All of this has almost nothing to do with my story.

So this morning I decided to try a network of trails that belong to Proud Lake State Recreation Area. Feeling almost giddy just knowing these trails are pretty much my own backyard, I start jaunting along like nobody’s business. That really isn’t true because first of all, I don’t jaunt when I run and also it’s everybody’s business since I am writing about it on my blog.

So eventually I hit my half-way point, turn around, marvel at how I’m staying dry in a sudden downpour thanks to this canopy of trees, and then speaking of trees, a GIANT ROOT leaps out of the ground, grabs me by one ankle maybe two and throws me to the ground WITHOUT MERCY.

Here’s where the story gets funny.

Because I am running with my ipod, strictly to record my time and distance in The Challenge mind you, I feel compelled in my SPIRAL TOWARD DEATH to protect said ipod at all cost. Therefore I am left with no free hand to stop my fall. What I do have handy for the task however, is the LEFT SIDE OF MY FACE, specifically my EYEBALL. If you were to tell me before today that you could fall on your eyeball, I wouldn’t believe you for a second. Now I know it’s the dog-gone truth. Right, back to the dog.

So while I’m busy careening into the perfect face-plant, my lead dog (whose leash is tied around my waist) is completely unaware of the impending situation. That is, until I come about two centimeters from landing on her and breaking her back. Causing her, of course, to snarl ferally and come about two centimeters from biting me square in the face. Luckily, her preventative reflexes are much better than my own, and she instead jumps aside, allowing me to writhe alone in the dirt. She gives me a moment. Then I swear to you, she gives me this look like, “Come on already, we are RUNNING.”

So eventually I start running again. Conscientious of the fact that babies do not sleep forever and husbands do have to work. I run about another half mile or so before I become aware that my ipod is no longer tracking my run. People, I SKIDDED for a mile at least, and NONE OF THIS was being recorded for The Challenge. Were is the justice I ask you?

After that, I am mad. Furious, you might venture to say. And perhaps this kind of fury is contagious because just then, I AM NOT KIDDING, MAZZY GETS INTO A FIGHT WITH A RACCOON. I remind you, I AM NOT KIDDING.

Have you ever seen a dog and a raccoon fight? Have you ever been ATTACHED to a dog that is fighting a raccoon? I DIDN’T THINK SO.