Won’t You Please, Please Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Today I discovered that one of the houses nearest ours is for sale. And I want YOU to buy it.

You, who are a really fun, 30-something couple possessing 1 baby and 1 toddler, complete with stay-at-home mom and in need of some similar 30-something friends.
You, who knows how to induce labor. Like right now.
You, who has a tropical vacation home you like to lend out to your neighbors. For free.
You, who are the grandparents of our children.
Or, I’d settle for you, who are Mary Poppins.
Or even, you, who falls in love with my dog and INSISTS she stays on your new property AT ALL TIMES.