After being instructed to do so one year and four months ago, I finally ventured into my local mammogram shop for a baseline. I had read or heard somewhere that mammograms can actually cause breast cancer, and so I was really dragging my feet. Plus, I get pretty bogged down with appointments for everyone in this family and it just did not seem to be that urgent. I finally went on Black Friday. That might have been my first mistake. Nothing at all was on sale.
I will tell you this – mammograms are SO not a big deal if you’ve had a nursing baby or toddler in the past decade. You are amply used to being pushed around, if you know what I mean. Truly, I skipped in there (because anywhere I get to go alone anymore is skip-worthy) and the Starbucks in my car was still warm when I skipped back.
Dun dun duuuun. That’s the intro sound to the rest of the story. My doctor’s office called me with my results on Monday while I was out for a run. I did not answer, because I was breathing heavily and that would be a weird way to start a conversation. But I did try to call them back five minutes before their lunch hour while I was waiting in the parking lot to pick Bastien up from school. A real, live receptionist put me on hold at 11:55 and then hung up on me promptly at noon. Classy.
So before I could even call the doctor’s office back and yell at someone the hospital called and I knew I was in trouble. They needed me to come back for another mammogram. And could I please come back tomorrow morning? For those of you keeping track, that is two appointments in under one week. I was feeling officially appointed-out, but I grudgingly accepted their invitation.
This time, for the record, I did not actually skip in to the hospital. And, I did not have Starbucks waiting in the car. And, I had to stay there a lot longer than expected and I began to get panicky about Bastien standing in his parking lot all alone, looking for his negligent mother who should have just had this mammogram in July 2012 like she was supposed to. I was, in fact, more worried about being late than I was worried about why they were making me stick around so long.
I am not even kidding, the doctor who delivered my results was introduced to me as Dr. Squiggles. And from that moment I totally had a hard time taking anything seriously anymore. But she did tell me that I have calcium flecks in my right breast and she did show me so I would take her seriously. They form sort of a crop circle in there, if you need a visual. Aliens have abducted my body; I always knew it! They (the hospital staff, not the aliens) insisted I come back next week for yet another appointment. This time to remove the crop circle and determine its planet of origin.
Just so we are on the same page, I am NOT worried about such things. I am well. That is what my yoga teacher taught me to say and believe, long before there was reason to think otherwise. But I do promise to just update you here as soon as we have confirmation on such things from Dr. Squiggles.
Little side note… My first questions for the nurse were: #1. When can I run after this invasion? And #2. What can I NOT do that week, yogic-ly speaking? Since this is just a 48 hour setback, I plan to drink Starbucks, knit, meditate, pray and read. What I do NOT plan to do is make another appointment anytime soon.